The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
April 10, 2005


My accountant and I sat down in person to review my tax situation this morning. I had not known she was pregnant. I've used the phrase "an arrow in the quiver" for years and never to bad reviews but I think she took it the wrong way. She thought a good way to shelter some business expenses would be to hire a corporate jester. Apparently they're becoming big with actors and directors. Essentially they act as a "no man" to offset the influence of the "yes men." Manolo shouted from the kitchen that I didn't need one. I whispered to my accountant that I thought I already had one. The moment was like something on TV. I've been investing in adhesives for years. They are finally showing some progress on something that will safely make fruit sticky. What I've never told her is my plan is to use this glue to sell a bunch of bananas where two are quite ripe, two are on their way, and two quite green. It just makes sense if you think about it long enough, Diary.

[signed] Nick

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