The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
July 8, 2005


Constance is currently giving me mud treatments. Insert your Liz Taylor jokes here Diary. Anyway she says if I keep with the treatments for a few more weeks, I will look like the Nolte she first had a crush on in 'Another 48 Hours.' This confession made me feel both complimented and uneasy. Its the same feeling I have when I am at the public library and I have to put up with all the teenagers sending each other beeper messages. Without a doubt the mud makes my skin feel more refreshed. This isn't vodoo here. As for her other treatments, well, I have my doubts. Don't get me started on her "avacado smear" or her "iron ash soak." Why isn't the word "with" and "the" combined. That would be a useful contraction. Let it be Diary.

[signed] Nick

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