The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
June 9, 2005

Right side up

Well its official. You know what it is? There is now hand lotion in the television room. You know who applies lotion while they watch television? Constance, that's who. Its a fine thing Diary. It makes me realize that perhaps this house has yet to be lived in. While we were shifting things from the East Wing, Manolo came across an Earthquake Survival Kit. Manolo suggested that the best advice is to ignore the Ava Gardner subplot and only focus on the scenes with Walter Matthau. I only get this joke now, as I write it to you. Curiosity got the best of me and I tried the dried food rations. It tastes like baklava if you can believe it. Not good baklava, but baklava nonetheless. The water meanwhile tastes like it came from inside a brand new squirt gun. Enough procrastination, back to work.