The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
May 20, 2005

The Bulk Rate

I have been getting an increasing amount of junk mail lately. My suspicions are aimed at the people who run Brentwood magazine, but then again I have no proof. I use to get very little junk mail and when I did, they misspelled the assumed name I use for such things so egregiously that I filed it under entertainment. Anyway to put the junk mail to use I am now lining Tito's cage with it. The remarkable thing is that Tito poops only on the stamps. I think he is either a genius or a madman. Insert your Salvador Dali reference here Diary. The lanyard on my favorite pen broke today. It seems like bad news, but it only marks how much road is behind me on the script. I will admit it is still undercooked, but I will also say that I prefer my third act a little chewy. Mix thoroughly, Diary.

[signed] Nick

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