The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
March 24, 2005

Vertical

So I have been studying the "modified" Mercalli Scale over breakfast, and by the way the flaxseed flour pomegranate scones Manolo threw together this morning were transcendent, anyway this scale is amusing and I hope for the author, intentionally. I quote on level VI, "Felt by all, many frightened. Some heavy furniture moved. A few instances of fallen plaster. Damage slight." This type of thing happened at my second apartment on a daily basis and had nothing to do with plate techtonics. Here is a better scale, if you feel the earthquake then you will be bothered by news of it constantly for a week. If your property is damaged then you'll think of moving to Missoula. And if the big one hits then the last thing you'll need is a scale telling you, and I quote, "Damage total. Lines of sight and level distorted. Objects thrown into air." Wait there's more, "Pendulum clocks may stop..." I am going to tell everyone today my pendulum clock has stopped, and see what happens. I never noticed this before but it looks like I can keep typing in this space forever.