The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
March 17, 2005

One stone

Constance is not talking to me this week. I won't even get into it... that is code for I don't know what I did. Manolo is trying to implement a ridiculous policy concerning the downstairs bathrooms. I think he watched something on National Geo. Anyway, he wants to get rid of the toilet paper and replace it with baby wipes. He says its more "sanitary" and "user friendly." So I told him the idea was at once "insane" and "base." He didn't like that too much and protested by immediately asking for his copy of Esquire magazine back. As I write this I realize that perhaps I am part of the problem. Afterall Manolo did purchase that hand sanitizer I like so much. Maybe things will be smoothed over if all three of us head out for some shabu tonight. Touch will be kept.

[signed] Nick

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