The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
March 15, 2005

Universal

I parked in a Universal City garage and not willingly. Why I was there is unimportant. Flash forward to later in the afternoon when I returned to the Rover. At first I thought the air conditioner was kaput as there was a large pool of water by the front tire. Then I noticed a liquid clinging to the hood. To speed the story up a bit, a gentleman--presumably--visiting the Universal lot pissed on my car. Maybe I should say someone erased the tail on the kangaroo. Did that help, Diary? It did not. I drove home trying to ignore the fact that the valley sun was drying the liquid on the Bonatti paint and placed a call to Alphonse. I salved the pain with an odd fan letter featuring a photo of the author in an advanced state of undress. Seal it, Diary.