The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
January 4, 2005

A k t i v

Well, we are currently headed back to Los Angeles, Diary, and I got stuck in the middle seat. I tried to pay the steward ten dollars to relocate us, but he pretended not to hear me. Constance didn't like the idea either, she gave me the "dippy" look complete with mock frown. I guess wearing my Union Suit on the plane was a bad idea. We are only an hour into the flight and it has already begun to stow itself in unapproved locations. Monolo called and said that a surprise awaits us upon our return. I am not going to ruin it for him, but I will tell you, Diary, that if I know Monolo, the fondue kettle is out and Scotty G. has apparently snagged a trophy or two on his fishing trip. Godspeed, Diary.