The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
February 24, 2005

Ironic

I thought of another euphamism for the call of nature: Erase the tail on the kangaroo. Chris Walken stopped by the other day to discuss bean farming. I did most of the talking as you'd expect. Honestly, I'm not sure he didn't have some ulterior motive, like maybe getting a look at the estate down the hill which is for sale, but if he held one, I couldn't pry it loose. I told Scott Ruden about it over lunch and he said of Chris "You can't have more fun than he did making that James Bond movie he was in without breaking the laws." Anyway, that day I gave Chris some bean seeds and a tall smoothie in an old McDonalds glass. I had an old girlfriend who thought they were ironic. She was close. The only truly ironic thing was her thinking about them. Asalaam alekim, Diary.